During this deployment, it would have been a shame if God was not using it as a tool to teach. No, I should say, it would have been a shame if I didn't SEE what God was showing me. There have been multiple lessons. And I know I will continue to share them as more time passes. But my heart has been lingering on this lately. Who is my life? Meaning, who is my life centered around?
As a young couple, we were consumed with one another. Peter was life. Peter was breath. Peter was my all. And as much as God helped us through many struggles, He had faded out of my heart because I had replaced Him with my new love. Thank God for His mercies and that He is patient and caring.
Don't misunderstand me. I still love Peter. Even more then our wedding day. It really does get deeper and more fulfilling. But Peter is NOT my life. Who is? God. Or at least I am striving everyday for Him to be my center. You hear these love songs that are out there. "You are my everything. You are my peace. You bring me to life." Yadda yadda. But as much as I rely on Peter for my comfort, my help, my security, he is human. He will fail me. I will fail him. I have. Many times. More then he has me. But God never fails. He is always there to give what we need.
I sometimes get morbid and think about Peter dying. I think it is the Italian in me. And if you would have asked me 4 or 5 years ago what I would do if he died, I probably would have said, " I would die with him." But I think that is wrong. Because God is the one to say when I go. And He has a plan for my life. If he chooses to take my loved ones away, I accept that. It will hurt. I will ache. But I know that God is in control. And He will grant me the grace that I need to go on.
I know my thoughts are scattered. I have a hard time writing some days. (OK, most days.) But What I am saying is that we need to have Jesus be our center. So that when others fail us, it will not be such a disappointment. Because we know there is still One that is longsuffering and never failing.
3 comments:
I often hear how morbid Italians are (mostly from Pastor C.). I MUST be Italian - somewhere, somehow! I used to struggle with giving Eric totally to God. Someday, soon, I'll have to post about how I was able to do that and the results. Anyway, you took it a step further - not just giving him to God, but giving MYSELF to God and making Him my all. Thank you, Julie. I'm so glad you are looking to Him throughout these months - I wonder sometimes if the real challenge is when things are going "our" way. Keep you eyes on Him. Praying!!:)
that was a deep post. i think about ppl dying too though. blessing for the next few weeks!!
This entry touched me in more ways than you'll know. Thank you for taking the time to share.
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